You’re Not Lazy. You’re Addicted to Being Liked.

Ever told yourself, “I just need to get my life together…

with the right routine, more discipline, better habits”?
But if you’re being honest… you don’t even know what you’re working toward — or even what you’re running from…

The truth is, You’re exhausted from performing. For your boss, your partner, your parents, even strangers on the internet. It’s people-pleasing at its finest, and I’m willing to bet you never realized how deep it goes. 

You’ve built your whole life on trying to be impressive. On doing enough so that you might be worth something.

And now? You don’t know how to exist without gold stars, however metaphorical, or calendars full of tasks, or a hundred tabs open in your brain.

If you're the overachiever who’s secretly terrified of slowing down...

If your worth has become a project you’re always working on —

Then I’ll be the first to say it with you.

“You can’t do this anymore.”

I don’t bring you this revelation just to cut you at the knees. I have another way to offer you in its place.

But first…
Let me show you exactly how your productivity got hijacked by survival, and why you’re doing this to begin with. 

You Confuse Being “Good” With Being Useful

If someone asked how your week went, how would you answer them? would you list what you did?

Not how you felt, not what values you practiced or the love you shared… — but what you produced?

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

You don’t consider yourself a real person unless you’re helpful, needed, or applauded. Your needs don’t matter, your feelings don’t matter, none of it matters because “you should just be doing better”

And the irony? While you’re constantly doing the most—for others and yourself—it’s all surface-level.

Because the things that actually matter to you? Like showing up as the version of yourself you want to become, building habits that reflect your values, or creating a life that feels like yours…

Those things don’t come with instant gold stars. 

And you don’t know how to get off your ass without proof that it was worth it.

When your nervous system has been trained to chase urgency, outcomes, and outside approval…

It feels unsafe to prioritize anything that doesn’t prove your worth in real time.

So the work that could actually move your life forward?

The kind that builds self-trust, consistency, and peace?

Keeps falling through the cracks.
Not because you’re lazy.
But because your self-worth is hooked on a system that only rewards the visible hustle.

So when you're not busy, you feel worthless.
When no one thanks you, you feel invisible.
And rest? That feels like a threat.

You call it “high-functioning.”
But really, you’ve just been surviving applause to applause. And in the interim, it’s internal attack after attack as you talk yourself into a spiral.
You’re always one missed task away from collapse.

You’re Addicted to Praise, But Numb to Pride

But I get why you do it. I really do. It’s not like you enjoy the negative self-talk and the depressive spirals that hit when you don’t measure up in your mind’s eye.

There is a high you’re chasing in the midst of all that.

The one you get when someone says “you crushed it.”

But notice what happens after.
You don’t celebrate.
You skip over it.
You downplay it.
You say “it wasn’t that big a deal.”

Twisted, right?

Here’s why: you don’t trust yourself to feel proud unless someone else tells you to.
So you’ve built your identity on external reflection, not inner truth.

Pair that with the ambition that you’ve cultivated over the years, and so every success is just a stepping point to the next thing you should be able to do.

That’s not drive.
That’s dependence.
And it’s robbing you of what life looks like on the other side of it.

Your To-Do List Is a Manual for Earning Love

Look at your to-do list. Or your planner. Your journal. Even in your head–wherever you store the mountain of things you measure yourself against.
Does it feel like progress…
Or penance?

Every unchecked box? A reason to feel like a failure.
Every finished task? A sigh of relief, not satisfaction.

You’re not chasing goals.
You’re running from rejection.
Your brain has tied “doing enough” to “being enough.”

And until you untie that?
Every achievement will feel like temporary safety.
Not self-worth.

Rest Feels Unsafe Because No One Applauds It

But if it hurts so bad, then why is it so hard to stop?

Because rest doesn’t come with a performance review.
No gold stars. No claps. No praise.

And if you’re trained to only feel worthy when you’re producing something, then rest is quite literally the antithesis of what makes you feel valuable. 

That silence feels like danger.

And on the days where you do give up, either because the important things keep falling through the cracks or because you keep falling sort of your ridiculously high standards, you can’t even enjoy that rest.— because somewhere deep down, you believe stillness equals shame. So you lay there or sit there mentally hating yourself, which pulls you further away from true, VALUABLE action. 

So you keep moving.
Keep proving.
Because you think if you stop… the disappointment will catch up with you.

And when you finally do crash and break down? It does exactly that. And so you wake up tomorrow determined to be different. To do all the habits. To check off all the to do lists. You may even have sudden motivation at 3 AM. 

But for some twisted reason, the same cycle ensues.

But here’s the secret:
Silence isn’t failure.
It’s the first time you can hear your own voice.

You Only Feel “Enough” When Someone Else Says You Are

So maybe it’s starting to click for you, but even starting to connect the dots doesn’t change what you’re going through.

You hit goals, and still feel like a fraud.
You check every box, and still wait for permission to exhale.

The compliments never stick.
The confidence never lasts.
Why?

Because your entire identity is outsourced.
To Instagram comments.
To your manager’s opinion.
To your partner’s mood.

You’ve been waiting your whole life for someone to say,
“You’re doing enough.”

But even if they said it, you’d feel like they’re wrong. You know you should be able to do more, so why can’t you?

But here’s the truth:
You’ve never needed permission.
You’ve just needed a self you trust.

The Bigger Problem

This is the moment where most people hit their breaking point.
They say: “I can’t live like this anymore.”
And then?

They try to fix it with another planner.
Another time-blocking hack.
Another productivity system built on the same old shame.

But listen:
This isn’t a time-management problem.
It’s a self-trust problem.
And that can’t be solved by forcing yourself to try harder.

That’s why inside The Intrinsic North Star, we don’t just teach motivation.

We rewire the parts of you that believe you’re only valuable when you're producing.

We rebuild your inner compass so your drive comes from internal purpose, not external proving.

If you’re ready to stop performing your life and actually start living it… If you’re ready to know what it feels like to rest between action instead of crashing amidst failure after failure…

Click the link to book a call.

We’re doing something different here.

And it starts with coming home to yourself.

With love always,

Anna