Do You Even Know What You Want?
There’s a strange kind of ache that comes from knowing you’re capable of more… but still not doing it.
You wake up with the best intentions.
You know what matters to you.
You want to care, to show up, to make progress.
And yet, the days slip by.
Not because you’re lazy.
Not because you don’t care.
But because somewhere along the way, you stopped knowing how to move toward what you truly want.
And maybe—if you’re anything like I was—you started wondering if something was just wrong with you.
But what if the issue isn’t that you’re lacking discipline…
What if you’ve simply been cut off from the very part of you that makes action feel natural—your desire, your values, your sense of purpose?
Today, I want to walk you through a different way of understanding this “stuck” place.
We’re going to talk about what actually drives sustainable motivation, why it goes missing, and how to start building it back—without shame, pressure, or guilt.
Because you’re not broken… you’re just disconnected.
And reconnection is always possible.
SECTION 1 – The Lie of Laziness
We live in a world that loves to label people. And one of the most damaging labels? Lazy.
But here’s the truth: laziness is almost never the root cause.
It’s a symptom. A signal.
And in many cases, what looks like laziness is actually something else entirely:
Burnout from constantly trying to earn your worth
Fear of failure or rejection
Emotional exhaustion from people-pleasing
A nervous system that’s stuck in freeze mode
You may appear “unmotivated,” but underneath the surface, your system is overloaded.
You’re not choosing to avoid. You’re trying to survive.
When you were raised to perform, achieve, or keep the peace—your internal compass gets buried under external demands.
And eventually, you lose touch with what you want.
That’s not laziness. That’s a deep disconnection from your intrinsic motivation.
SECTION 2 – Survival Mode & External Validation
Let’s talk about survival mode.
When you grow up in environments where love, praise, or safety were tied to performance…
You learn to chase validation instead of curiosity.
To follow the rules instead of your instincts.
To anticipate what’s expected instead of asking, “What feels right for me?”
You become excellent at doing what you “should.”
But disconnected from what you actually want.
And over time, the pressure builds. The inner voice gets louder: “Why can’t I follow through?”
But the truth is: when your nervous system is stuck in a loop of fight, flight, or freeze—you’re not lazy. You’re protective.
You’re bracing for disappointment before you even start.
If this is resonating—if you’re realizing that what you’ve been calling laziness might actually be a breakdown of self-trust—
Consider subscribing to my YouTube Channel. I release exclusive content about executive dysfunction you’re probably not gonna find anywhere else. It’s free, and you can always change your mind.
SECTION 3 – What Really Drives You (And Why You’re Disconnected From It)
So if pressure, shame, and outside expectations have been running the show…
How do you find what actually drives you?
You start by asking better questions.
Not “What should I be doing?”
But:
What do I value?
What do I care about when no one’s watching?
What lights me up, even just a little?
This is the work of reconnecting with your intrinsic motivation—the kind of motivation that’s rooted in desire, not discipline.
But for a lot of us, that’s terrifying.
Because if you’ve been conditioned to ignore your needs… or punished for your curiosity… Desire doesn’t feel safe.
So of course you shut down when it’s time to act.
Your system doesn’t trust that you’re allowed to move toward what you care about without consequences.
That’s why motivation isn’t just about finding your “why.”
It’s about making it safe to want again.
SECTION 4 – Rebuilding Your Inner Compass
To reconnect with your true drivers, you need three things:
Safety – Your nervous system needs to know you’re not under threat. That it’s okay to take a risk, try something new, or even fail without being punished.
Permission – You have to give yourself space to experiment. To want something, even if it doesn’t “make sense.” To choose yourself over what others expect.
Structure – Not the rigid, punishing kind. But flexible, adaptive rhythms that support you—especially when motivation feels far away.
This is what I teach my clients.
Not how to push harder. But how to listen deeper.
Because when you feel safe and supported, motivation becomes a pull—not a push.
And suddenly, you don’t need to force yourself to do the thing.
You want to do the thing. Because it means something. Because it’s yours.
If you’re ready to stop blaming yourself for being “lazy”
And start building a relationship with motivation that’s actually sustainable and kind…
I’d love to invite you to apply for a free discovery call with me.
It’s a real conversation about what’s been keeping you stuck—and what would actually support you moving forward.
No shame. No pretending. Just clarity, strategy, and care.
You’re not broken. You’re just burned out from living out of alignment with yourself.
Let’s change that—together.
