Why you keep avoiding the things that could change your life

The more capable you are, the more likely you are to avoid the tasks that are most important to you. 

I know exactly what it feels like to know that you have more to offer; both to yourself and to the world, and yet constantly let yourself down. You’re gifted and talented and, not only that, you really, really care about the little things. You want to do them justice. You feel a calling to a higher standard of getting things done and putting your work out there, no matter what it’s for. But it’s not enough. No matter how hard you try, every step forward pulls you further back, and worsens the shame you feel about not being enough. 

There is a reason that your most important plans are the most difficult to begin. And I don’t always mean important in the sense that they have long lasting impacts. They’re important because they matter to you. Because you’ve attached a piece of your identity to them–and a piece of you aches to see them come alive. 

You are avoiding the things you set out and plan to do, but there is more to the story here than being “lazy.” The narrative runs deep in ingrained patterns that we’ve never had the words to explain, but cause us to suffer anyway. Your response has probably been to do more. To plan more. To compensate more, try to think your way out of the distance between your desire to act and your ability to act. But it’s never enough. 

But once you understand why you keep falling into this same painful cycle, you can begin to take your power back over your actions–piece by piece. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Sometimes it’s something simple like how you take care of your home. Or maybe it has lasting social impacts like writing the essays to apply to graduate school. 

But you are constantly on the precipice of acting. You are one foot short of crossing from where you are now to where you want to be–this place where you can simply flow into putting in the effort with ease. For you, everything aside from the ground you’re currently standing on is quicksand. One wrong move and you slip into an abyss that you’ll never be able to recover from. 

You make and remake to-do lists to account for every possible detail. You scour YouTube and Reddit and blogs for that missing piece of information that will finally give you everything you need to get started. 

You have this vision of exactly who you want to be and what would best fulfill your talents and meaningfully contribute to the world around you, as well as building the life that would make you the most fulfilled. You’ve mentally attached markers of achievement to each piece of this goal–tasks that represent different pieces of you. And when it’s laid all out on paper, presented in perfect, meticulous plans and execution strategies… you think it’s bullet proof. But one practice shot tears it to pieces. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

I was just like you. Seriously, the only reason I know that this video spells out your daily life is because it spelled out mine from years ago. And probably like you, I had lived this pattern for a lifetime. Constantly back and forth, sometimes getting a small reprieve where I thought I was finally changing… and then was right back where I started, just more discouraged.

After dedicating a large part of my life to solving it, and then sharing that discovery with others, I began to see these patterns from the outside looking in with context and understanding for what was really going on. You see a pattern enough times, it becomes pretty clear the factors that play into causing it, but most importantly, the factors that play into healing it.

Because I found validation not only for myself, but for others, that this isn’t a permanent state of being. It’s a challenge to be overcome, like any other. 

But one of the most important things I learned was this: when your goals are tied to a vision of who you want to be, you will ironically sabotage them to avoid staying the same. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You are very emotionally invested in the person you want to be, and for good reason. A large part of our time on this earth is to bring the gifts we’ve been given to their highest potential. I also believe that’s when we find the most fulfillment, when we share our gifts to serve and create and contribute to the world in meaningful ways. 

But that emotional investment comes with stakes. On one hand, you have the outcome of staying the same. And on the other, you have the outcome of becoming someone entirely different. 

But there is nuance to both of these that lies in the middle–and it’s trying to change, trying to cross that quicksand, and failing, and staying the same anyway. That carries a different weight that you have experienced before. And you will do anything to avoid feeling that shame again. 

Because you know that if you do try, and you give it your all, and you fail, then you aren’t capable of becoming the person you know you could be. And your opinion of who you are now falls even further. 

That ideal version of you remains untouchable… even though you know exactly what it would take to get there. 

Your tasks are no longer just tasks. They probably never were. They are markers of your ability to become more than you are right now. Of your chance to fulfill this ideal version of you and bring your gifts to their full potential. They become evidence of whether you're as capable, talented, disciplined, or intelligent as you hope you are–and when that task falls through, so is your chance at being better than you are. 

But if you never try—if you stay in a constant state of planning, waiting, and avoidance—the possibility remains alive. The future version of you is still out there. Still attainable. Still unproven–and you don’t have to fill the space between who you are and who you hoped you could be.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here is something I’d like you to pay attention to this week to see how this pattern is showing up in your life. I know you know how this feels–but the step that comes after is learning to recognize it in real time. Nothing else is possible without that. 

Pinpoint something meaningful you’ve been avoiding… and again, meaningful doesn’t mean big. It could be big, like finally starting a business… or it could be “small,” like folding the laundry that’s been sitting on your couch for a week.

And then, once you’ve identified it, try to pinpoint what you’re worried will happen if you don’t get it done. I know, we’re used to looking through the frames of “I want to do this, I need to do this, this has to get done, I should do this…” all of that comes BEFORE the task. Just do me a favor and pivot your thinking to what comes after. What happens in your mind if you try and fail? What happens if you make the most solid effort you can and it doesn’t work? What if the business fails miserably, and what if all of the laundry continues to sit there for another week? 

Don’t think of tangible outcomes like “I’ll keep my job” or “I’ll just have to wear the clothes in the back of my closet.” No, I mean, what would it change about how you feel about yourself?

Chances are, whatever it is, it’s not something you’re ready to face yet.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

And, by the way, if you're interested in understanding the deeper patterns behind procrastination, self-doubt, and self-trust, you can join the newsletter HERE where I share additional lessons each week. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

It’s easy to look at a pattern of avoiding things that need to get done and just chalk it up as being lazy. But laziness means there is a presence of apathy–a degree of not caring about the outcome or effort required. And that couldn’t be more untrue for you. 

But holding onto those labels as a means of degrading yourself only keeps you from looking the truth in the face. And that means you’ll never see beyond the ground right beneath your feet. There is an entire path in front of you waiting to be walked, but you have to be willing to stare discomfort in the eyes.

These tasks are heavy–but that’s only half of the story. Because once a task becomes tied to who you are, most people don't simply ignore it. Quite the opposite, actually. They start trying to protect themselves. And one of the most common protection strategies looks responsible, productive, and even admirable from the outside. We call it perfectionism. That's what we'll explore in my next video HERE about how perfectionism prevents action for the strangest reason.

Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you never miss an upload featuring the next hidden pattern that’s keeping you from turning your goals into reality. 

And as always, stay in this corner of the internet as long as you need.