You have an obligation to stop GIVING UP.

You've watched videos, scrolled Reddit for hours, dreamed up your goals on Pinterest, searched and searched online for how to do the thing you want to do, and made plans for how you're going to do it, and I'll make an educated guess and say that you're exactly where you were when you started dreaming.

You're constantly resetting. You're starting and stopping. If you'd continued when you started, can you imagine how far you would be already? 

Except you know that's a distant possibility because as far as you're concerned, you're unreliable. And in trying to figure this out and trying to fix this pattern of not doing, you wonder why knowing what you want to do just isn't enough. But as soon as you make a movement toward trying to actually do something, all you feel is this icky discomfort begging you to step back, and you listen, because you don't know what else to do. 

Every time you fall into that routine, you think that you just need to push through it and finally change. So you try to work on your habits, and you try to find a way to get more motivation, but even if you make progress on those things, they are temporary salves that do nothing for the root problem. 

What if the problem isn't effort or desire?

What if the problem is what happens when you act on that desire, and a lack of skill to be able to fight back? That's the answer I'm promising you by the end of this blog.

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I know why you keep searching for the perfect answer. Why you never feel like it's enough. Why you feel like you're the only person in the entire world who must be this messed up. 

The worst part of all of this is the loss of self trust due to a repeated pattern of something you have no idea how to control. It's the shame you feel whenever you try again. The doubt whenever you try to convince yourself that it's worth doing again tomorrow. Or, even worse, the acceptance that it's not worth trying again because the outcome will be the same.

And as the same dreams come and go, or even new dreams get piled on top, you wonder why you keep ending up in the same exact starting position.

Why is it that knowing isn't enough?

Why can someone see the better future for themselves clearly and still not move toward it? It's not right that you, with so much potential and so much ambition, keep resorting back to your own ways. 

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That's exactly what I did, with so much I wanted to accomplish, and yet always staying mediocre. But I kicked this toxic pattern because I had no choice.

And it was very lonely, because no one else talked about it. I couldn't find anything else on the internet that actually dug into why I couldn't let myself just put in the work.

I thought maybe it was a lack of confidence—that I didn't really believe that I was capable of doing it. But that wasn't it at all. What I discovered was that it wasn't a lack of confidence. It was a lack of an ability to tolerate the discomfort of acting long enough to grow my confidence in my ability. 

It is human nature to wait to feel ready. To wait to feel certain. To wait to know that it's going to work. But growth by nature is something that exists outside of our comfort zone, outside of what is certain, and outside of what is reassured. And that uncertainty brings up a chilling discomfort that knows exactly how to paralyze us to keep us from venturing beyond our comfort zone. And that's exactly why we're still here.

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From an evolutionary standpoint, we prefer what is known. Because what is known as what is safe. Everything outside of our comfort zone and what is familiar to us could potentially be life-threatening—or at least that's how our nervous systems see it.

What is known does not have to be good, like our bad habits and our instincts to stay small. They just have to be known because that's what makes them safe.

Intellectually, with the critical thinking part of our brains, we know that there's nothing unsafe about growth, and we can imagine all of the great outcomes that will come with it. We can see very clearly where we are and where we wish to be for many different reasons, but mostly, for trying to achieve personal fulfillment.

But the minute we hit uncertainty, that self-preservation part of our brain starts negotiating. And so that leads us to self-sabotage any ounce of effort because the part of us that wants to protect us wins, because it uses tools like feelings and anxiety and stress. It's literally a stress response that spikes our cortisol because it's trying to get us away from that which is unknown.

Every meaningful transformation, including the transformation this page teaches about learning to follow through on what you want to do, requires entering unknown territory. Where the outcomes are not guaranteed, where your identity changes, where you can't live by the same rules anymore, and you don't yet know what the new rules are.

If you don't understand this, then you will always abandon the goals outside of your comfort zone. Your potential will always stay theoretical. And your life will just be a series of almosts. 

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Think about the last goal you abandoned.

Ask:

"Did I leave because I didn't care anymore?"

Or:

"Did I leave when I could no longer predict what would happen?"

Look for evidence of, 

• Increased anxiety when you tried to start 

• Symptoms of a stress response like heightened awareness or panic

• Motivation dropping after initial excitement.

• Procrastination increasing as stakes rise.

• Desire remaining high while action disappears.

This proves the struggle was never simply about desire.

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If you’ve watched enough of these videos to finally accept that it isn’t supposed to be this hard to do the important things, then book a call HERE.

During our conversation, we'll dig into what's actually going on beneath the surface. We'll explore the specific patterns driving your procrastination, overthinking, avoidance, perfectionism, or inconsistency.

And if I think it’s the right next step, I’ll give you all of the information regarding The Intrinsic North Star, an entire step-by-step program and exclusive community helping you walk from beginning to end of this struggle. It was built by years of struggle, countless interviews with people just like you, and thousands of pages of research. 

My goal isn't to convince you of anything. It's to help you understand your situation with greater clarity and determine what the next step is for you to finally be free.

If that sounds like the conversation you need, you can book a call HERE.

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Remember that wanting something and going after it are different skills. You aren't failing at these goals because you don't care enough, or because you don't have enough motivation, or because you're missing some secret key that other productive people have. You fail when uncertainty becomes greater than your capacity to remain engaged throughout those feelings of discomfort and your body's natural instinct to protect you.

Desire is not enough. And you will continue to fail and fall back into the same patterns until you recognize that, and start giving up the hope that just wanting it badly enough is all it takes. 

Some of you are going to be tempted to leave this conversation believing that the key to handling discomfort is stronger external systems. Because those are the places in your life when you tend to not deal with this kind of problem, like a job or goals with deadlines or expectations of other people. But what happens when those things disappear?

How do you function when the goal is entirely yours and has nothing to do with something external?

If all of your structures disappeared tomorrow, what would you be left with?

That's what we're answering in the pinned video (to be linked on 6/29) that tackles the uncomfortable fact that if you need deadlines to function, then when it comes time to try to bring your ideal future into reality, it'll fall right through the floor.

Don’t forget to subscribe if you’re ready to stop letting these patterns control you. And if you’ve heard enough and know that what you need is a path to follow that takes out the guesswork… then book a call HERE.

And as always, stay in this corner of the internet as long as you need.